Speaking to your child’s school
Four questions to help school understand what your child needs when a parent is in prison.
You might be preparing for a sentence, already managing visits or getting ready for a parent to come home. Speaking to school can feel like one more difficult thing to do. You can start with a private conversation about your child and what would help them through the school day.
This is for parents and carers, including those at home and those in custody. You do not have to tell every member of staff or explain the offence to begin asking for support.
With my two eldest children, I went into school before I went to prison. While I was away, they struggled and had counselling through school. I don’t know exactly what that support involved.
Later, with my youngest, the school didn’t initially know I was in prison. When they asked about her leaving early for visits, my partner explained. They accepted the reason, but didn’t ask how our daughter was coping or what support either of them needed.
That is the conversation I would have welcomed. Not just why she was leaving school, but how she was getting on.
Arrange a quiet conversation
Ask for a private appointment with a trusted teacher, pastoral worker or another suitable member of staff. If you are unsure who to approach, ask the school office who supports children through difficult family circumstances. You can ask for a phone appointment, an interpreter or help putting your questions into words.
A way to begin
“A parent in our family is in prison. I’d like to talk privately about how our child is coping and what support school can offer. Can we agree a person to speak with?”
If you are in custody, ask staff or the prison’s family support team what help is available to raise a school concern. Agree any approach with the child’s carer where it is safe and appropriate. Contact restrictions and the child’s safety must come first.
What does your child understand?
Tell the trusted contact what your child has already been told, the words they use and the questions they are asking. This helps staff avoid surprising them with information they have not heard or leaving them to explain the situation repeatedly.
- What does our child understand about where their parent is?
- What are they asking about calls, visits or coming home?
- How can home and school respond consistently, using honest language that suits their age and understanding?
If you are unsure what to say, ask for help from a family support service. You do not need a perfect answer before seeking guidance. Avoid promises about visits or a return home that have not been confirmed.
How are they coping at home and school?
Compare what you are seeing without assuming the child feels the same in both places. They may want to talk, or they may want school to be a place where life carries on as usual. Ask what they would welcome and who they feel comfortable speaking to.
- Have we noticed changes in sleep, concentration, friendships or wanting to attend school?
- Are calls, visits, birthdays or other dates bringing up questions or worries?
- Could they have a quiet way to ask for a check-in, without attention from the whole class?
These are conversation prompts, not a diagnosis. Tell school about teasing or bullying and ask what they will do. If you are concerned about your child’s health or wellbeing, ask an appropriate professional, such as their GP, for advice.
Children should not have to comfort adults or carry responsibility for their parent’s feelings. They can miss someone, feel angry, enjoy school or choose not to talk.
What support would your family welcome?
Say what is difficult in everyday life. Work, travel, caring for other children and arranging visits can leave little room to deal with another phone call or appointment. Ask what help is available rather than assuming a particular service can be provided.
- Could we agree one trusted adult for our child and one contact for the carer?
- Is pastoral support available? If more help is needed, who can explain the options and any referral process?
- How should we request visit-related absence or early collection, and what information does school need?
- How will school handle sensitive classroom topics, family events or a parent returning home?
Discuss attendance arrangements with school in advance. This guide does not mean time off for a prison visit will automatically be authorised. Ask how any decision will be explained and recorded.
Support does not have to involve contact with the parent in prison. In some families contact is unsafe, restricted or unwanted. The child’s needs and safety matter in their own right.
How will school follow up?
Before you finish, agree something concrete. Who will do what, how will you hear back and when will you review whether it is helping? A first conversation should not leave the family wondering what happens next.
- Who is our named contact, and who covers when they are unavailable?
- What have we agreed to try, and who will arrange it?
- When will we check in again? How can our child tell us if it is not helping?
- Who should we approach if we do not get a response?
Ask for a short written summary if that would help. Review the plan when circumstances change, including before and after release. Do not wait for the review date if a new concern needs attention.
Agree how information is shared
Ask who needs to know, what will be recorded and how school will avoid drawing unwanted attention to your child. Talk about what the child wants other people to know, taking account of their age and understanding.
Do not assume a conversation can be kept completely secret. Staff may need to share information to safeguard a child. Ask them to explain those limits and how they will keep the family informed where possible.
Take the questions with you
A two-page sheet with the four questions, space for your own notes and a follow-up plan. Open the PDF, then save or print it using your device’s controls.
Open the conversation sheet (PDF) ↗There is no form to complete on this website. Keep any paper notes private and share them only with the people who need them. Before the Gate does not collect your child’s details or school records.
Further help
Find independent support for your family ↗
Pact: guidance on supporting your child ↗
Pact: resources school staff can request ↗
Prepare for a first prison visit ↗
Created by Before the Gate, drawing on Colin Pritchard’s experience as a parent. The school conversation prompts are our own. External resources are independently provided; links do not imply a partnership. Links checked 19 October 2026.